"Academics say they are close to developing the first vaccine for stress - a single jab that would help us relax without slowing down.
After 30 years of research into cures for stress, Dr Robert Sapolsky, professor of neuroscience at Stanford University in California, believes it is possible to alter brain chemistry to create a state of 'focused calm'...
Last week, a Stanford University colleague, who called the potential vaccine 'the Sapolsky shot', said: 'In humans this engineered virus would short-circuit the neural feedback caused by stress, that lingering feeling of tension after a crisis has passed.
'It would leave you fresher and ready to deal with another threat, so you can maintain your drive, but with more focused calm rather than bad temper and digestion.
'This could change society.'"
Yeah... you want me to take a genetically-engineered herpes virus injection? And then I won't worry about anything ever again? I won't get angry about anything? I guess that would change society. But...
What about things I'm supposed to get angry about? What about the fact that anger is part of the self-preservation mechanism? You see, I get angry when people fuck with me. If I don't get angry any more when people fuck with me, where's their incentive not to fuck with me? I get stressed about things that should stress me out, because things are wrong and need to be righted.
So, Doktor Frankenstein Koksukker Sapolsky, bring a needle near me I'll ram it in your eyeball you cunt! Capisce? Now fuck off.
Hat tip: Infowars